Mindset is everything. It is the way you live your life. It is how you make choices. It is the consequences you are living with right now. The way you see the world is your mindset. Are you liking life right now?
If there is anything you want to change about your life, your schedule, your relationship, diet, job etc, then your mindset is what needs to change first. If your mindset is set at "I can't do it.","this sucks", "I will never get the job", well, then you won't. It isn't about luck , hope or wishes, it is about how you are living your life. If you "wake up on the wrong side of the bed", do you stay in that mood of change it? If you show up to work everday miserable, then you are setting yourself up for a bad day. Every have those days where everything seems to be going wrong? Maybe you are rushing, then something falls, then you bend over to pick it up and while doing so, your coffee spills, then the dog goes to lick it up and knocks you over entirely. Then you scream "FUUUUCK!" What you do in this moment can make all the difference.
Step one to changing your mindset.
Check your mood. No matter what mood you are in, it is good to check in with yourself throughout the day. Take the time to actually think about what you are feeling. If you are in a good mood, take the time to be grateful for a few things. Either write them or say them to yourself. Then think about about a small step you could take today towards a future goal that you have.
If you are in a bad mood, this is the time to take
Updated: Dec 6, 2023
In November 2023, I signed up for a local craft fair a couple of towns over for me. I went to sell my two books, some bookmarks and stickers. What I actually gave was sound advice to so many parents. My book "Fighting Darkness" was picked up so often, and prompted so many to ask questions about how they could help their child with depression. As I was giving advice to one lady, I mentioned that I am not a medical health professional and my advice was based stricly on experience. At that moment, another woman at the table gently touched my arm and said "You don't have to have a lisence or be in the medical field to give that great advice you just did. and I'm a nurse." My body filled with goosebumps. She is right. I don't need a medical background, I lived it. I know the pain, the depression, the anxiety. I know what support I wish I got when I was young and struggling. I know what I did to my self and how destructive I was to others. I have something to offer people who don't know how to help their child.
If you have a child at home who is not talking to you, I mean really talking to you, I mean deep conversations, details about life, not just the happy things but the sad things too; then you need to take these steps to build a better relationship with your child.
Depending on what your relationship is with your child, the first thing you need to find out is where you stand. This may hurt but remember, you have to start somewhere. If you have young children, this is a great time to start building these conversations and setting up the scene for a flourishing relationship between parent and child.
Everyday you should be asking your child how their day was. It doesn't have to be a sit down situation but it shouldn't be a two second one either. Don't accept "it was fine" or some other short answer. Ask questions, get details. You could ask "What was the best part of your day?","What was the worst part?". These prompts could help start the talking. If the conversation does not take flow and you get resistance, this may be the time to take a different approach.
If you have a strained relationship with your child, it is important to know that it is not too late. You can still take the same approach above but if you get brushed off or ignored, it is because this is new and they won't believe it right away. You need to be strong and trust the process. There are other ways of communication. The next attempt you can make is to have a more formal sit down with your child and present the idea of written communication with a notebook or journal. Explain that this is a way of communicating but in a non-formal way. It can be kept as private between one parent and child or both parents and child. Whatever works for your situation and family. In this journal, you can talk to each other about your days, things going on in life, work, school, friendships etc. As the caregiver, I encourage you to be just as honest as you expect your child to be. Share with them about what your day is like, what you are struggling with. Show your child how normal it is to have daily struggles and how you solve or plan to solve the issues. This will start teaching them strategies to learn for their own struggles. This will gain trust as your child will start to see you not only as a parent but a fellow human with real life problems and real life solutions. It is also easier, in many cases, to write about whats going on rather than talking about it. This can be a very freeing way of letting your child express themselves in a way without facial judgment or a harsh tone of voice.
It is important that you respect this journal and this way of communication. Unless there is a serious concern for your child's safety, this way of talking should remain the safe way to talk about things until it is discussed to change the way of communication for the future. Be prepared to read about things you had no idea about, maybe upsetting things. Don't let these things change your path. It is important to not act on impulse and instead take it all in. Meaning, after you read something undesirable, do not storm into your child's room asking them about it. It might be helpful to channel your inner child and remember what it was like to be your child's age. Then take into account the world we live in today and how different it is. Talking is the first step in the right direction to help your child in anyway.
Communication and understanding is a step in the right direction to building your relationship with your child. Remember, you are their parent, not their friend. You are there for guidance and modeling, not friendship and mingling.
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The most important thing in life for me is to find true happiness. I want to live in a way where I make the decisions I want to make. I intend to choose the path that makes me the happiest without putting my children in any unhappiness of their own.
We only get once change at life. I have already spent more than half of my already choose an unhappy life. A depressed one. A self harming one. The older I get the more I realize that time is running out. There is no time like the present. All the things I want and need to accomplish need to start happening now or they never will.
So when I say I am going to do something, I intend to do it. When I say I will be there, I will. I want to be the person that chooses to be happy everyday. Because I know how easy it is to choose sadness. How easy it is to lose control and release anger and self deprecating behaviors. It is so easy to go off the handle. I know myself like that already. I want to be the complete opposite now. I want to live my life with financial freedom. A life that allows choices and acceptance. Releasing anger, bad habits, toxic people.
I will change my life to be the best one there is. I will be successful for me and not anyone else. I will choose the choices that make me the happiest.
That is the life I choose.
