Do you ever look at someone else's life and think “How come I don’t live like that?”, “Why is her house always so clean?”, “Why don’t I have that decorative eye?”
I think like that sometimes. Especially when I want to redecorate, which my husband will tell you is a lot. Its not even necessarily redecorating but more of moving the furniture around. I just cant seem to have the same layout for too long. It drives me crazy.
But when I see another moms home, and I mean in real life, I sometimes think, why don't I have that eye for really sleek, clean aesthetic. Why is my space like a kid came in and just threw shit on the wall? Why is there no theme or neutral color?
My spaces are colorful and bright. They are messy and lived in. They display so many unfinished projects and glitter that will never be removed.
Why is this mess, my life?
I think having ADHD is partly the reason. But I also think that part of it is because my brain is constantly in creative mode. I am always thinking of a new project, or a new hobby to start or add to. I am also in active mode.
Sometimes I feel like I thrive on chaos.
Maybe I am just used to it.
I am not sure what the right answer is but I will say that as much as it may look like a cluttered disaster to others, I know where everything is.
I also know that the next best idea is just waiting to be worked on!
Check out my book: "Choose Happy"
Updated: Jun 28, 2024
What do I really want?
Why is it so hard for me to focus on just one thing? I really do feel like I want one thing to focus on but then my head will think of 40,000 more ideas to focus on instead. Maybe what I really need to do is focus on my schedule first. Implementing the things I enjoy and then eventually I will figure it out. Is that right?
I feel like I want a blog. A place where I can write my thoughts and maybe someone will find it and then my experience will help them too. I think in order to do that, I will need to be painfully honest. Within this, I don’t feel like I should have to share my entire life and every detail. But I do feel like if I started sharing the basics of my life, and how things can be sad and frustrating, maybe someone else will related and then they won’t feel so alone either. I think that is what we all want at the end of the day, to not be alone. To not be the only one feeling the things we feel. Sometimes the things we think are so bad that we don’t want to share them because we think we are alone in that feeling. We think we will sound crazy. We think people will judge us.
I think more than ever, I need to just finally follow the advice from Gary Vee and just be myself. Do the things I love. Help people when I can and always be kind. Use social media socially. Be involved in the things that make me happy. Do more of what I want and love. Stop spending so much time thinking and start doing instead. I know for me, the more I think, the less I do. I give myself too much time to judge, change and even forget my true dreams. I want to start embracing the parts of me that I really enjoy. I want to share my thoughts even if no one else seems to care or reads what I have to say. I keep realizing that my growth journey is not over and I still have so much more to learn and embrace. I have too much to do and offer. I have to get out of my head. I have to stop thinking of ways that other people have done it and focus on the ways I want to do it. I find myself doing things because it worked for someone else and not necessarily because I want to do it. This is where that fine line comes in. I am aware that there will be things I will need to do that I don’t like sometimes. I understand that hard work needs to go into anything you want to be successful. But as the overall picture, if we are not working on things that we love and are passionate about, then when it comes down to it, it really is just a waste.
I miss writing. I want to share my writing. I have always been envious of Carrie Bradshaw. Yet, I haven’t pursued the way she lived her life to get where she went. If I want to be a writer, then I need to write. Instead, I have been putting it off for some time. I wouldn’t even really call it writer's block, more like writer's avoidance. I am living in fear of the fact that I may not have anything important to write for people to read. How dumb is that? That is fear speaking. I have been letting fear win. And I know better than that.
So here it is. I am moving onward. When I started writing this it was only meant to be for me. I needed to sort out my thoughts and think of a plan. And now, I am seriously considering sharing this on my blog. Because maybe, just maybe, someone else is feeling like this too. Maybe someone else is having a million messy thoughts and they just need to word dump all of the things in their brain at this current moment. And maybe this piece of writing from me, can inspire someone else to do the same. Because at the end of the day, we are all human. Nothing we do needs to be perfect and even approved of by anyone else but ourselves.
So what the hell are we doing with our lives?
Updated: May 30, 2024
I have been keeping a journal since 5th grade. This is the earliest I remember because I still have this journal and all the years after it. I wrote my first book based off of my journal entries and my life experiences up until this point. I wrote it in poem form because I knew I was not ready to expose people who may not have made the kind of personal growth that I have had. On the other hand, I may someday put my whole story out there because it is my truth. It is what I experience and felt and no one can take that away from you. That is why we have free speech.
I have been reflecting for quite some time about who exactly I want to be and represent and no matter what path I venture off into I always come back to the questions "Is this who I am? Who I want to be?" Deep down I know the answer is to just be myself. Express myself the way I want to and that is what I intend to do.
I have debated even keeping this website because I don't think anyone is really reading what I have to say. But then I remind myself, I am doing this for me. Don't get me wrong, I really hope I have a positive impact on others. I hope I can inspire someone to do better for themselves. Part of that is doing it myself. I need to be more consistent with what I am doing and how I am doing it. I want to be someone who shares what is going on in life because that is how we learn.
So, my new plan is to make sure a blog goes out every Sunday. An email every Monday, and a Youtube video every Friday. Having a plan makes things more real. Having a schedule puts the plan in motion. Working for yourself is not easy though. The accountability is lacking. The only one who is going to make sure I do all of the things is me. That my friends is certainly where I have been lacking. If I want this remote life, I need to start acting like I already have it.
So this is my message to you that you will be hearing from me every week. You will be seeing my on socials several times a day. You will really get to know me. I hope you stick around for that. I hope you reach out and chat with me so we can get to know each other more. I hope this new journey brings so much joy for all who want to be apart of it!
Remember,
Choose Happy
